top of page
Search

the journey of integration: making sense of our life story and past wounds

  • Writer: alexandra megan hart
    alexandra megan hart
  • Aug 3
  • 7 min read

Updated: Aug 29

I am feeling the call to write about what I know at this point about integration work generally as well as in the context of developmental wounding. In my experience, integration of one's life story takes time, especially when there's trauma or developmental wounding involved!


Integration is not a linear process, and it naturally unfolds in layers — often ebbing and flowing between insight and intensity. Regardless of the process, it's a journey worth taking that shapes us on all levels, with the potential to evolve us into more and more embodied and empowered versions of ourselves.


what is developmental wounding?

Developmental wounding refers to the emotional, psychological, and relational injuries that occur during our formative years — typically the first decade of life.

This is the phase where we’re absorbing everything: how relationships work, what safety feels like, how we’re treated, and what’s expected of us. It’s the time when our nervous systems, sense of self, and worldview are being shaped.

This is the phase of life where we're obviously getting a whole lot of groundwork and foundation laid for the rest of life. It's where we develop an understanding of the world and our place within it.


When this period includes trauma, neglect, or unhealthy dynamics, it can leave deep imprints. These wounds don’t just disappear with time — they often become embedded in how we relate to ourselves and others. They can affect our sense of worth, our ability to trust, and our capacity to feel safe in the world.


how early experiences shape our world view

The experiences we have during our developmental years act like blueprints.


They teach us what to expect from life and relationships. If we were met with love, consistency, and safety, we may grow up with a sense of trust and openness. But if we experienced harm, manipulation, or emotional abandonment, we may internalize those patterns as “normal.”


These early experiences can create unconscious expectations — like believing that love always comes with pain, or that we must earn our worth through performance. We may find ourselves repeating these patterns in adulthood, not because we want to, but because they’re familiar. They’re the lenses we were handed, and we may not even realize we’re looking through them.

The developmental phase of life essentially gives us various lenses through which we see the world, and they may not all be accurate in terms of what's possible for us to experience. This is also true of trauma in general.

recognizing the lenses through which we see the world

Developmental wounding shapes the internal filters through which we interpret the world.


These lenses can distort our perception of what’s possible — limiting our ability to imagine or experience safety, joy, or connection. They can make us hypervigilant, self-critical, or disconnected from our own needs.


And because these lenses were formed so early, they often feel like truth. We may not question them until something — or someone — shows us a different way. That’s why integration work is so powerful: it helps us identify the lenses we’ve been using and gently invites us to try on new ones.


For some of us, we don't start to recognize the lenses we're looking through until later in our lives. We may be in our 20s, 30s, 40s or beyond. Either way, ultimately it's a blessing when life begins to show us other examples of how we can see ourselves and our world. Sometimes triggered by a relationship that feels different — more respectful, more nourishing. Other times, it’s an awakening moment, a breakdown, or a healing experience that cracks open our old worldview.


When life begins to offer us alternative templates — healthy relationships, authentic care, emotional safety — it can feel both liberating and disorienting. We may start to question everything we thought we knew. And that’s often a good thing. It means we’re beginning to see that our past doesn’t have to define our future.


the process of integration

Integration is the process of weaving together all parts of our story — the painful, the joyful, the confusing, the transformative — into a coherent whole.

It’s not about erasing the past or pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about digesting it, understanding it, and finding meaning in it.


This process often involves conscious rewiring: challenging old beliefs, feeling emotions we once suppressed, and allowing ourselves to experience life in new ways. It’s about making space for all parts of ourselves — even the ones we once disowned or rejected.


I love the following explanation of integration from the New York-based Institute for Integrative Psychotherapy:

[integration is] "taking disowned, unaware or unresolved aspects of the self and making them part of a cohesive personality [or, "self"], reducing the use of defense mechanisms that inhibit spontaneity and limit flexibility in problem solving, health maintenance, and relating to people, and re-engaging the world with full contact. It is the process of making whole. Through integration, it becomes possible for people to face each moment openly and freshly without the protection of a pre-formed opinion, position, attitude, or expectation."

I think this definition captures the essence of integration: it’s about reclaiming and holding the parts of ourselves we had to hide in order to survive — and learning to live from a place of full contact with life.


recognizing the wounding is in the past & finding a coherent life narrative

One of the big things I was taught in my Somatic Therapy training is that when we start to recognize that the wounding is in the past, integration and healing has more fully taken root. This doesn’t mean we forget or minimize what happened. It means we stop living as if it’s still happening.


When we can anchor ourselves in the present moment and see that we are no longer in danger — that we are safe, resourced, and supported — something shifts. Our nervous system begins to relax. Our body starts to trust and our heart opens to the possibility of something new.


When this happens, we can see the full picture of our life's story, and see that life didn't end with the hurt that we went through. This is referred to as having a "coherent life narrative". When we have a coherent life narrative, we recognize that we survived, that we're here now, that we're safe, and that we can continue forward.


A coherent life narrative gives us the ability to look at our life story and see it as a whole — not just a series of disconnected events. It’s recognizing that while we’ve been through pain, we’ve also survived. We’re here now. We’re capable of healing, growing, and thriving. When we develop a coherent narrative, which usually takes time, we stop defining ourselves by our wounds. We begin to see that the chapter of abuse or trauma is over — and that we have the power to write new chapters. This awareness is a hallmark of integration. It’s the moment we realize that our past shaped us, but it doesn’t have to limit us.


common misconceptions in integration & healing work

It’s common to carry quiet expectations into healing work — often shaped by survival strategies, cultural narratives, or the desire to “get better.” But integration isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence.


Here are a few common misconceptions that can gently be reframed...

  • “I’ll never get triggered again.”

    Integration doesn’t erase triggers — it helps you respond to them with more awareness and choice.


  • “If I’m still struggling, I must be doing it wrong.”

    Struggle is part of the process. Feeling stuck often means something important is surfacing.


  • “I should be able to do this alone.”

    Healing happens in relationship. Some parts of us were wounded in isolation, and heal best in connection.


  • “Once I understand it, I should be over it.”

    Insight is powerful, but integration is also embodied. The nervous system needs time to catch up to what the mind knows.


Integration is not a straight line. It’s a spiral — revisiting old places with new wisdom. Every step, even the messy ones, is part of remembering and reclaiming wholeness.


integration as digestion

To me, integration is essentially digestion. Just as we require good digestion of food in the body to experience optimal physical health and proper nutrient assimilation, we also require good mental and emotional digestion to experience optimal mental and soul health, peace and vitality.


Undigested emotional experiences can lead to stagnation, confusion, and disconnection. But when we allow ourselves to feel, reflect, and make meaning, we nourish our inner world. We become more whole, more present, and more alive.


in conclusion...

Integration is not a destination — it’s a lifelong unfolding. This is the human condition and evolutionary journey that is beautifully unique to each individual!


Integration is the gentle, courageous act of turning toward ourselves with compassion and curiosity. It’s the willingness to feel what was once unfelt, to see what was once hidden, and to reclaim what was once lost.


In the context of developmental wounding, integration asks us to revisit the foundations of our being — not necessarily to relive the pain, but to understand how it shaped us and to choose, moment by moment, how we want to live now. This happens slowly, over time, as resilience, self awareness and willingness increases.


It’s about recognizing that while our early experiences or other trauma may have written the first chapters of our story, we hold the pen today. We see that our power is here and now, and that's why in somatic work we keep coming back to present-time awareness.


This work is sacred. It’s slow, tender, and nonlinear. It's also often deeply empowering.

Each time we digest a piece of our past, each time we shift a lens or rewrite a belief, we create more space for authenticity and connection. We become more whole — not by erasing what was, but by embracing all that we are.

Integration is the art of becoming. I like to think of us humans as "forever becoming", as we walk the one of a kind road that is our unique life.


It’s the process of weaving our wounds into wisdom, our fragmentation into coherence, and our survival into thriving. And in doing this work, we don’t just heal ourselves — we ripple healing outward into our relationships, our communities, and the world.


So if you’re on a path of integration, know that you’re not alone. Know that every step you take — no matter how small — matters. And know that your story, in all its complexity, is worthy of being seen, held, and honoured.


You are integrating. You are reclaiming your wholeness. And that is a beautiful thing!


Wishing you much love on your journey,


Alley


PS... I wrote a little 2 page guide to integration work! Download it for free here:


ree

 
 
 

Comments


bottom of page