what exactly is space holding?

Space holding is the act of creating an intentional space for listening to and being with another person in a way that is supportive to their process.

The space that is "held" is the space between and around the two people. The essence of the space is influenced by what the space holder chooses to do to create a space, and what it's like for the person receiving support to be held in that space.

What do I mean by creating the space? Well, the space may be built upon particular kinds of communication, such as non-violent communication. It may be founded on certain skills, such as somatic awareness, active listening, non-judgement or the intentional creation of relational safety. It may be focused around fostering love, friendship, conflict resolution, emotional support, healing or rejuvenation. It may contain physical comforts such as blankets, candles or soft lighting. With any of these various elements or others, a particular container is created because of what is present and what is intended.

Really, space holding can take place in any intentionally created environment or container which allows for someone to receive the undivided attention of another person. It is the intentional creation of a space which sets space holding apart from just casual listening or processing. But, I think there's more...

The essential elements of space holding:

1. The intentional creation of a space for the support of an individual

2. The space being entirely focused on the individual receiving support.

   • The space holder does not bring their personal experience, thoughts and emotion into the space, (as much as possible) except in relatively rare cases when what the space holder might have to say could actually benefit the individual's process (and importantly, not remove them from it).

3. Some collection of skills are used which create safety for the individual.

   • These skills allow them to share and be seen in their experience. Communication skills such as mirroring, active listening, non-judgement and not making assumptions are a few examples. This in particular allows for the individual being supported to receive a very energetically clean space to process their experience; a space that is not tainted by another's perspectives or opinions, and where there is energy given to ensuring that what is being communicated is also being fully understood and heard by the space holder.

4. The space holder is energetically able to provide containment.

   • The energetics are central, and I will mention this more below.

These essential elements create a space for them to look at, feel into, clarify, or work through something, without the distracting influence of another person.

So many of us are regularly impacted by the opinions of other people. So, entering into a space that is literally made just for us to be supported in feeling what we feel about anything and everything can be very refreshing.

Beyond the actual space that is created, what is essential in proper space holding begins with the space holder.

As a space holder, it is crucial that one is first and foremost creating a healthy and consistent container for themselves in all areas of life. Emotionally, spiritually, relationally, mentally and physically.

This means having strong boundaries and enacting them when needed.

This means knowing what you can realistically devote your time to.

This means staying true to your word and following up if your plans change.

This means having accountability for your actions and having integrity.

This means knowing your limits and ensuring you are replenished first and foremost.

This means having a healthy, authentic and conscious relationship with oneself!

How could someone truly hold space for another person if they cannot hold a space for themselves? If their energy is depleted, or they're ungrounded and energetically scattered?

The energy is crucial, because it anchors a particular template into the space holder's auric field. How someone lives in their life in all areas contributes to how they're able to support another person. The energy matters!

Ultimately, to be a strong holder of space for another, we must be strongly rooted in ourselves. There is so much richness of self-work in this area. To be able to provide containment for another person is a huge honour, and no small task.

We must be in integrity, strong, healthy and aligned. We must be skilled in communication and emotionally intelligent. We must be energetically sensitive and grounded. It is deep work and a journey to be walked over time. I say this because as we age, we gain experience and wisdom. It is in the experience and wisdom that we (ideally) learn to know ourselves and embody ourselves so deeply that having a strong space within ourselves for our life experience comes naturally. Then, being able to hold space for others gradually becomes something that is more and more understood in our very bones, because we have experienced it for ourselves and provided it for ourselves consistently over time.

Much love!

~ Alexandra